First, I’m in shock. Then I’m about to be something else. . . and I see the ranger’s player. He’s in shock too and it’s all his fault and he’s a puddle of face-covered, head-in-hands misery and I put my own feelings on the back burner to reassure him that it’s okay. Everyone in the party is upset. I’m trying to comfort them all. They want blood. GM ends the game.
Ranger’s player realizes he wasn’t using his favored enemy bonuses for the entire fight. He’s even more miserable. GM realizes he was too tired and should have known the spread out the damage. He wants me to be okay with this. I love the GM so . . . I’ll be okay. It’s a game and I’m honestly just happy that he didn’t consider spreading out the damage and choose not to.
They’re going to raise Gavriil. My sister takes me to task for sacrificing my PC, saying that if any other PC had died (hers included), they wouldn’t have to bother raising them. Dunno if this is true. What’s true is Gavriil is going to cost us like 7000 gold. I tell her I’ll try not to do it again.
I’m worried about what this will do to the kingdom. The week wears on and I’m stressing about the kingdom. My sister, our damage dealer realizes she’d also forgotten something that meant she could have dealt more damage than she’d been doing. She feels like the whole thing is her fault. I’m comforting her and at one point admit to myself that I just want a chance to grieve my PC’s death. I DIED! And . . . everyone else’s guilt is raining on my misery. I can’t grieve when I’m worried about how everyone else is coping.
Then . . . the 4th player reminds me that I could have cast Cure Moderate Wounds on the ranger. No, I argue, I can only cast Cure Light Wounds which wouldn’t have made a difference. I check. He’s right. This goes beyond an error in judgment or a simple miscalculation. I forgot something. Something critical. Something that got me killed. I’d broken a cardinal rule of RPG’s: Know Thy Character Sheet.
And then I get mad. At me. Of course. Anger at me is something I’m used to. I engage in a good long angry mood, properly directed! I killed my own PC, messed up our kingdom, ruined everyone’s night . . . because combat bores me.
Come next session, they toted Gavrill up to be raised, emptied their pockets to pay for it, returned and dealt with kingdom issues and everything went back to normal. In one session. All of that emotion over . . . nothing.
I forgot about Pathfinder’s death rules which basically say if you have enough money death is meaningless. That sucks. Maybe it’s too much like real life? If you have the cash, you can buy your way out of almost anything. Not death, but still. Ugh.
I don’t like PC death. I don’t like meaningful death rules. Meaningful death rules mean that Troll #3 is not going to kill you, sure. It also takes all meaning out of a fight if you know you can’t die.
So. What do I like? I’m so glad you asked! (I know you didn’t ask, but . . . you’re reading this. So.)